Things to Know About Boracay

• As far as beaches go – it’s a winner. The shades of turquoise blues than fade all the way into rich navies will blow you away. You will always be snap happy here. The beach is also pleasantly litter free and so soft and white it feels like water…. it also gets white hot after midday so pack those flip flops.
• Filipino people, at least in Boracay, hate tourists. I really do understand this since we’ve barged into their beautiful home bringing Mc Donald’s, Starbucks, selfie sticks and all manner of pointless things with us. (Sorry Starbucks…you know I still love you). Everyone we’ve met has smiles that don’t quite reach their eyes and a look that says ‘buy my shit you filthy foreigner’. I realise this is such an un-fair statement since we were only on the island for a week and it was the end of a long busy season, in which we tourists probably earned everything we got. Also, that this may just be the case in Boracay . I especially know this to be true since I have met tons of Filipino people outside of the island in the UK, Saudi Arabia and in Korea who have been the loveliest, nicest, funniest people I’ve met. It was just a bit of a shock to the system when we arrived. It is good to know before docking on the island. Maybe tourist’s excessive demands for wifi, cheap cocktails, fresh towels, and burgers have something to do with their mood – Nah! *Since writing this we have visited both Bohol and El Nido in Palawan and the Filipino people have the loveliest, friendliest and happiest people around. This is definitely just a Boracay thing.
• It’s HOT – ‘No , on a tropical island it’s hot?’ I hear you all sarcastically cry, first touche and secondly we are talking ‘sweating your ping pongs off’ hot, which incidentally is the official term used on the weather channel here – I imagine.
• Red Horse is lethal – this is the local STRONG beer. It’s is cheap but not cheerful. For me it made evening’s disappear. A night of drinking these (and some sneaky day time cocktails) had my poor friend having to constantly remind me I’d told her the same store before, about 3 minutes ago…oh jeez.
• Pick pockets rule the roost – watch your bags. This is the same in every country but we had some particularly sneaky thieves lighten our pockets in Boracay. They were helped by the restaurant staff who distracted us so they could get in our bags. They luckily only managed to steal a few dollars from us…..and our pride.
  
  

  Fanta is called Royal in the Philippines
  
  
  
  

  D’Mall is the central shopping area in Boracay with lots of night life
• A fun drinking game is a shot for every seller trying to sell you something. Only kidding, please never play this game. You will die….I’m not being ironic. Don’t play this game…you will never wake up.
• Filipino food is DELICIOUS – I hadn’t heard good things but we love it. Its lots of meaty dishes in thick stocks and gravy. The pork adobo is a particular favourite. Seriously it’s worth coming just for the food. Try everything. *Since writing this Lee unfortunately had a bad case of food poisoning from a restaurant that looked really nice. It was a beef dish which is weirdly one of the hardest meats to get here so I’d stick to the pork, chicken nor seafood.
• So much delicious cheap fruit – In the same vein as the last point. Eat alllllll the mangoes. Fresh pineapple, mango and coconuts are abundant. Juice, breakfast, lunch and dinner should be as packed with these goodies as possible.
• Even though it’s a hot place, they love dairy. There is so much cheese here. This excitement may just be from living a cheese free life in Korea where it was so expensive that only birthdays and Christmases warranted a purchase. I wanted to order cheese burgers and hold the meat.

These are obviously all just quick, silly observations after a week in Boracay . I can’t wait to see more of this country because I love it more and more each day. We are on our way to Bohol now for Tarsiers and Chocolate hills. After that we have what Huffington post named ‘last paradise on earth’, Palawan which we can’t wait for. Bring on those islands!

Reasons I Should Never Be Allowed on a Beach

I love beaches as much as the next sun seeking city dweller but for some reason my genetic make-up has decided that beaches and I should not mix. Here are a few of the reasons I am at war with those sandy shores.

• They should create a new term for my skin colour. I’d go with ‘transparent’. In fact if you turn my arms over they are so transparent that they appear blue. I’m kind of like a partially invisible Smurf.
• The sun and I are at war. The sun and I have a relationship reminiscent of a hungry mosquito and a camper. I desperately try to get near to it and it uses every measure possible to beat me down. My tanning process is this: I think about the sun, I burn and then I flake back to , if its possible, a even whiter shade of pale. The only way I tan is if all my freckles join up to form the illusion of milky beige skin tone. I’m the David Copperfield of skin pigment.
• If MAC were to name a lipstick shade after my skin at the height of it’s tanning potential it would be ‘dull milky tea’…..English not green.
• I’m clumsy – In movies clumsy girls are cute, dainty balls of excitement that playfully fall into the leading mans arms, and ultimately his heart. In real life clumsy people are annoying and dangerous to be around. Lee has decided I can’t go a day without my daily tripping on nothing. This all accumulates on the beach to mean every step in the sand almost ends in a face-plant. In animation we learn that the action of walking is a serious of small falls. My brain seems to take this statement very literally.
• I’m not graceful in any way shape or form. Due to my constant aforementioned clumsiness, ‘Audrey Hepburn style’ elegance has never been obtainable for me. On the beach you are confronted with rows and rows of stunning gazelle like ladies who make Pamela Anderson’s Baywatch years look like a fat kid running a 3 legged race with his short-sighted friend. These woman effortlessly lay/move/prance on the beach like goddesses. When I emerge from the sea I am covered in green algae with my hair plastered on my face, with a cough representing a TB riddled cowboy. Halle Berry I ain’t.

Please don’t read this list and think I am sad about any of these things, on the contrary, after almost 29 years I wear these differences with pride. It’s quite freeing. I can’t imagine the pressure on the glistening, mostly Swedish beach goddesses. I throw a scraggly batman one piece swimsuit on and cover myself from head to toe in towels with a sense of pride. I love the beach and like a psycho ex I will definitely keep calling in on it long after it wants me around.
As I write this I’m un-sunning myself under a parasol on Boracay, which as beaches go is pretty beautiful – the 378 sellers that have approached Lee and I today for selfie sticks, Mary stone statues and island tours – not so much (sounds like I’m exaggerating the number but I’m probably under selling it) . But, not even they can distract from this view.
For now the beach is stuck with me, i’ll just be viewing it from under hotel parasols, much nicer than my own. If I have to buy copious amounts of happy hour 20p cocktails to do it, so be it.
Via La Beach

Boracay - The Philippines Day 1

We are here! We finally made it to sunny Boracay*. It took us 6 trains, 3 planes, 3 buses,a boat and 38 hours but we are here. And wow was it worth it . The beaches here in Boracay are stunning, a turquoise blue shade that makes its way to navy on the horizon. With pure white beaches as an accompaniment. Boracay is a very ‘party’ island with a lot of people trying to sell you deals. I wish I’d printed a t-shirt that says ‘no I don’t want to buy an island hopping tour’, but its still lovely. The crazy party atmosphere is always welcome when you are expecting it.
Our first day was spent sleeping off the mental trip to get here and exploring. It’s quite a small island and we walked the length of the beach in an hour or two.We filled up on some self indulgent burgers, which to my happy surprised were covered in mountains of Cheddar cheese and wandered until happy hour began. I am really excited because a friend from Korea is also here so I need to track her down and force her to dance the night away with me. I am amazed that we didn’t bump into each other yet because Boracay is so much smaller than I thought. But after a crazy few, cold months of organising and packing it’s great to be in a lively area where the only things to do are relax, drink and drink some more.
*If you read my previous post about our re-direct Jetstar flight then here’s a quick update, so we waited a long time but it was too late to fly to Manilla, which closes at night so Jetstar gave us an allowance for food and for a hotel. We have kept all our receipts and been promised they will pay so I will let you know if it all goes to plan. Fingers crossed!